By Glory Eyo
“I can called my eldest daughter now to know the state of the house but I wouldn’t. I don’t want to spoil her by giving her phone at this age. Children have spoiled a great deal these days with the use of phone”. A woman said in vernacular inside a taxi to a friend.
I was tempted to ask her but did not at what age she thinks her girl child will be due to handle a phone. Better still to ask her if handling of phone alone is what spoils a girl child. But you see, many mothers out there think the same thing. Can’t a girl child of 15 handle phone? If not, why? And if yes, why the restriction?
We are in the 21st century where information is pivotal to safety living and communication healthy for relationship. If at 15, a girl child only gets to hear from her mum from school hostel potters or a roommate once a month or less, how will she be influenced by her and earn the morals expected? How would she be confident in opening up her challenges to her mum? How would she have the access to unleash her confusing questions about womanhood? What about those that even stay with their parents, how often do their mothers sit them down, to discuss life? How closer are our girl children to their mothers? What level of confidence do our girl children have in the mothers?
85 per cent of girl children tend to do what they hear from friends, peers and find it hard to confirm from their mothers if those things are so. Since they do not have the privilege to always have a talk with their mothers, they have the time during school to discuss with friends and practice thus.
Many mothers have neglected their responsibilities of grooming their girl children morally, socially, spiritually and otherwise and have shifted the blames to “this 21st century”, social media, “civilization”, “government”, “teachers”, “church” and so forth. Some mothers wear the garment of suspicion instead of correction. Some combat with their children instead of impacting them with virtues. Some feed them with all sort of abuses instead of advice. Others position “CIDs” on the path of their children in the name of protecting them.
On the other hand, some mothers claim to advice their girl children. How do they do it? “I am warning you; don’t go close to a boy! Don’t allow your male teachers to touch any part of your body in school! Don’t even… don’t… don’t….don’t..and never added “why”… then the girl will be going about with the big question “why”, excavating answers from every Tom, Dick and Harry. Some mothers who feel they can use threat to tame their girl children marry these words, “if I see you in any nonsense play with a boy, I will break your head, I will break your leg, infact, I will put you in cell, of course, some actually do, they practice inhumane profession with their girl children in the name of training them.
The first daughter of a Mount Zion Power Church minister in Ibaka, Mbo L.G.A. grew up to live with the parent in the church, year after year, the girl was displaying one kind of immoral life or the other. What did the parents do? They opted to baptizing her eyes with pepper while flogging her. Sometimes, tied her hands backward and legs bound to beat her. Other times starve her and refuse her sleep in the house. On one occasion, she was basseted with razor blade and flavoured with peppery liquid. Is this still training?
What was the result then? The girl became used to the system; she extended her quest to not just immoral lifestyle but to other vices. She graduated to travel to places including Lagos. She has now blessed the parents with two bastard fatherless children of two different fathers, with nothing to do but remain a parasite to them. And this point what can the parents do? Nothing! Accept their fate and live with it.
To a considerable extent, it is a moral mishap for a girl child to be closer to the father than the mother. It is not compatible. It is not genderly balanced. In fact, it is an aberration. A lot of immodest behaviours of our today girl children have no mystical root rather than from the mothers. Mothers have more than 99% role to play in growing of their girl children. How can they do this?
Primarily, who is a mother? Someone who sees the best in her children even when they drive her crazy. Just like Susan Wesley who saw the best in her children and had time to talk to the 15 of them one after the other each day. The essence of communication in building goodly and undefiled generation cannot be relegated to the background. There is no magic in breeding morally sound girl children. Creating a friendly discussion atmosphere will cure the ill. Establishing a jovial relationship with your girl children will soften their heart to release their thoughts to you. Feeling what they feel, understanding the reasons for their action will help. Caring for them will melt them. Presenting them to God is the master key.