By Glory Eyo
Many young people today are moved by emotion, beauty, affluence, family background, physical features, political affiliation, popularity, educational attainment, professional specialization and lots more as criteria for a marriage, neglecting their purpose in life as the crux and as well the nub of every choice in life. Oxford advanced learner’s dictionary defines self-discovery to be, “the process of understanding more about yourself in order to make yourself happier”. Also, an extracted text from the wikitionary reveals self-discovery to be “the learning of what one really wants to do with one’s life”.
With these therefore, it will not be an over-statement to put that marriage without self-discovery is a mirage and still born. Marriage is for life, as noted in the holy book for Christians. It is a contract nor in tenure but except death never-ending communion, and it can only take two people who know themselves and goals in life to move on together without termination of continuity vow. So many homes have been broken into uncountable pieces due to later discovery of self after marriage. How I wish Sampson had discovered his purpose in life before advancing to Delilah. How I wish he knew Delilah was going to be a thorn in his flesh, his aspirations, his mandate and goals before looking at Delilah’s hairy body, pointed noise, diatom, angelic look, royal background and so on. He got it all wrong by those things he prioritizes just like our young men and women are doing today.
A good number of youngsters are moved by infatuation, intelligence, comportment, outspokenness. Yes, no doubt, several of these attract one to another, but how can one really discern and figure out the suitable one for his/ her life? Communication is the answer, if not done on the platform of pretense. When you know yourself, it is very easy to know who to marry. It is only people who have not discovered their purpose in life that find it difficult to know who to marry, knowing who to marry is just like identifying your tribal relation amidst thick cloud via the tribal mark or language. It is an undeniable fact that no one meet will a person with shared language, belief, ideology and will not want to be identified with, no matter the condition except for some reasons unascertained.
However, it is generally accepted that there are clear cut differences between a man and a woman. But that notwithstanding, there are still basis to which there must be similarity, acceptability, compatibility and even in belief. In the animal kingdom, tortoise and lion can never be good friends, despite the fact that they are both animals, they do not have the purpose. Vultures cannot mingle with eagles; they have different targets though they share certain features. It is almost impossible for dogs to befriend goats, they have different agenda.
It is abnormal for a Christian to marry non-Christian because of the differences in belief before the real marriage starts. Imagine an evangelist marrying an in depth politician. How does such combination aid in purpose achievement? No wonder men of God and writers like Pastor W. F. Kumuyi, Dr. Enenche, Pastor Ezekiel, Pastor Sam Adeyemi, Joseph Abe, Mrs. Bimbo Lukoya take it upon themselves to preach, teach and write on these issues owing to the greater effect it has on the society and the generation unborn.
Choosing a life partner should not be a game of intelligence, but an outcome of self discovery and assessment of suitable support for the achievement of life’s purpose. This however, does not encourage “dating” as the young people so lay hold on. Knowing who will help you fulfill your purpose in life is not possible by using dating method; it is even a practice ground to disrupt your life agenda. Dating gives room for all sort of preference. It limits one’s vision as the relationship is beclouded with vapory” love. It darkens once the game is revolved round immorality.
It is therefore better to be yet single-minded, single yet sincere, single yet self-confident, single yet simple. If in search for a life partner, it is better to keep platonic relationship with opposite gender. It is better to be yourself than parade with fake identity. It is even good to relate with all class of people on a social platform to study all. It is also good to go for a Christian if Christian, Muslim if Muslim, traditionalist if one. If not completely profession base, it is good to marry that appreciate your person, purpose, profession, pursuit, and dreams. It is good to marry a friend that knows you more than a stranger. Know yourself first.